I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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