thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
