my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
