Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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