do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
