Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Vodka?
Forever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize