im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize