Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't notice because vodka
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
