in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
