What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
