did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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