I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
