Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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