you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
