The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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