maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
