your room smells of hookers.
And success
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
