2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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