I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
