After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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