He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
