so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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