That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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