woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
