found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
