mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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