just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
