Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
