But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
