That's intense
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
