I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
