I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
