my phone needs a breathalizer
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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