well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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