my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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