so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
