I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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