all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
