$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
