I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
