I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
