rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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