thus making me awesome and them whores
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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