JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
