drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
