My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
