I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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