ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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