you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
