weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
