Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
