I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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