I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
