Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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