If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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