I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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