the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
