My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
