apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
