i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
