Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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