Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
