ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
