i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
