Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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