kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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