my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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