Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
