she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
