Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
