I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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