God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
