I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
