your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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