I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
