I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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