The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
