For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
